By Carole J. Obley
Author and Spiritual Medium

One of the deepest bonds we share as human beings is that of someday losing someone we love. No matter who we are, what nationality, social status, religion or occupation we have, we will undoubtedly experience grief when faced with the death of someone we love. In the event of our loss, life may suddenly seem out of control, unpredictable and hostile. For some, the deep, penetrating well of feelings that are experienced during the grieving process become a quagmire of hopelessness, despair and fear. This is especially true if the death is unexpected, untimely or tragic when survivors' unresolved feelings of pain can linger for years. Yet, if we choose to allow it, grief can and does serve a spiritual purpose for us. It enables us to examine, heal and expand our previously held beliefs about the very core of our identity as both human and divine beings. How can we use this time of letting go to better understand ourselves and our departed love one? What can we learn about the spiritual nature of the relationship we shared? The following insights grew out of my personal experiences of grief several years ago when I first lost my mother and later, my beloved pet dachshund, Emma.

Honor your feelings, both positive and negative. It's been said that we need to experience the dark to know the light. I believe this is never as true as in the case of grieving. We need to feel the pain of the loss of someone dear, acknowledge our feelings and let the tears flow before we feel relief. Common feelings during grief include anger, sadness, guilt, abandonment, loneliness and fear (in no particular order.) As irrational as it may seem, we will move through the grieving process more easily if we openly and unabashedly express our feelings. Close friends, other family members and grief support groups are invaluable resources during this time. For added support or in the event we have no one to turn to, writing our feelings in a private journal gives us the chance to acknowledge what is going on inside of us.

Writing a letter to our deceased loved one helps in the recognition and acceptance of feelings. What is the one thing you wanted to communicate but didn't? In the silence of our own hearts, we meet, vent and cleanse the reservoir of our emotions. We comb the waters for precious souvenirs of the happy moments we spent with our loved one. We move forward.

Wrap yourself and your loved one in the healing garments of prayer and meditation. These two spiritual activities give us the comfort, assurance and grace of the Light within. In my experience, people who engage in them have an easier passage through grief. After my mother passed, I prayed for her easy transition into spirit. I gave thanks for her presence in my life and for the gift of physical life through her. When Emma died, I prayed for those I knew and loved on the Other Side to help her find her way. I'd been doing meditation for years, but found it difficult to focus in the aftermath of loss. It was easier to focus on the quiet rhythm of my breath to become still. Soon I found immeasurable peace in the solitude of my inner harbor.

The ultimate gift of prayer and meditation is hope - a strong, encompassing embrace in which we are elevated, renewed and healed by intuitively knowing that we, as eternal beings, survive death. Hope transforms doubt into unwavering belief in our immortality and obliterates fear of all kinds. It uplifts the very vibration of our consciousness from sadness to the awareness of our authentic spiritual identity.

Offer gratitude for the relationship you shared. In the dark pit of grief, we are immersed in the sorrow of our loss. But what if we begin (just for a moment, initially) to allow thoughts of thankfulness to enter into the abyss? Is it possible that we could shift our focus from the pain to the pleasure of the times we enjoyed in our relationship with a loved one?

I believe it is not only possible, but essential for our healing that we reach for these blessed memories. A single, positive thought attracts more of the same and before long, we find ourselves filled with the abundance of gratitude. In doing so, we make journey through the sacred terrain of our heart- the place where all relationships begin and forever reside. The heart will not deceive us or be fooled by the mask of grief; it is the Infinite Mother who loves and soothes unconditionally and eternally. In her softness, we find the peace which has long eluded us. We've come home.

Ask for clarity, understanding and guidance about the spiritual significance of your relationship. In moments of stillness, through your writing and meditations, ask, "What did I learn from my mother, father, child, friend, pet?" and "What qualities did we bring to one another?" Spiritually speaking, relationships help us to evolve beyond the limitations of our egos and personalities by mirroring our strengths, weaknesses and missions on earth. They open the door to know ourselves more intimately. Obviously, this does not mean that they are not frequently challenging and frustrating.

During my teenage year and early 20s, my mother and I barely maintained a strained relationship due to my substance abuse. Yet I knew, on a deep level, she never withdrew her love for me. After she died, I received a letter from my dad she had written to me two years prior. The envelope was marked "Carole-to be read after my death." In it, she wrote about her love for me and how she appreciated the time we shared in her later years. There was no mention of our earlier strife. Out of all the physical items I inherited from my mom, I treasure this simple letter the most. It remains on my nightstand since the day it came to me.

If we are to heal our grief and grow beyond loss, we must recognize why we were brought together in the first place. The most obvious reasons that come to mind are the right ones for you. What did you contribute to your loved one's life? Listen to the whisper of your own intuition in finding the answer.

The circle of learning and love is endless and undying because of the eternity of our souls. One day, you will be reunited with those in spirit with the full realization of the splendor and perfection of all of your relationships. May you be filled with healing and love in your awakening.

Carole J. Obley is an acclaimed spiritual medium who has delivered thousands of messages from the spirit world to people seeking confirmation of life after death and healing from grief. She has been featured in newspaper articles and regularly speaks on radio and TV. In addition to maintaining a private practice near Pittsburgh, Pa., she travels nationally to present seminars and workshops on mediumship and spiritual development. Her new book, I'm Still with You: True Stories of Healing Grief Through Spirit Communication (O-Books.com) contains astonishing, true stories of contact with the spirit world that provide compelling evidence of life beyond death and the healing that such awareness brings. Visit her website at soulvisions.net